Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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