i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
