six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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