My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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