On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
honey bunches of taint.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
