You just made me feel so damn special
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
