ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
