That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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