dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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