Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
