Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
