How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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