hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
