**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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