That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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