He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
