If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
