how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
