lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
