i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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