i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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