Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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