The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
