A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
