I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
