5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I forget how to act sober
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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