yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize