Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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