miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
