I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You don't make any sense
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