He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
