standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
