The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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