I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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