Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
