weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
