the condom got lost in my hair
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
