I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
