My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
