i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
