I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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