Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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