Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
