I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
