I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Of course I have a pirate flag
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
