i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
