the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
