I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
