Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
