do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
