remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
