Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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