Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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