I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
