Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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