I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
