names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
