Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
