drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
