I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize