nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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