i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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