I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
