I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So many bounce houses so little time
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize