the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
