So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
