ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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