the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We're too hungover to prance.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
